Once a Month Update ...

Figured I should put something in here.  With the start of school, things tend to get a bit hectic.  Let's see ...

BOOKS:  I've become addicted to the Nook.  I really resisted e-books for a quite a while (you can't have an e-book signed ... you can't display e-books in a library ... how do you lend an e-book ... etc).  Now I find I'm reading more than I ever have.  It's great to always have your book with you, to always be able to find your page, and always be able to get a new book instantly (so long as you're in a Wi Fi hot spot).  Let's see, I've read "Super Sad True Love Story" (It's about a dystopic future where America collapses under the weight of its own consumerism, couched in the diaries of a Russian immigrant.  It's supposed to be funny and bittersweet.  It was well written, but depressing - I couldn't wait to finish it.  I really have to learn to stop buying books because they got a good review.  They are almost always downers, which really?  Don't need to spend what little spare time I have depressing myself), "Johannes Cabal the Necromancer" (wickedly funny - one of the best turns on the Faust story I've ever read.  I love it that the main character was so deliciously unlikeable - but hilarious), "A Dirty Job" (An amusing story about a guy who gets selected to be a grim reaper, but if you've read one Christopher Moore book, you've pretty much read them all ... and it was a bit longer than it really needed to be), and "This Is Where I Leave You" (A story about a guy who goes home to sit shiva with his disfunctional family for his atheist father - it starts out really funny, but by the time you reach the end, you want to tear your hair out ... just when you think this guy's life can't get worse, it does ... another in the well-reviewed-needlessly-depressing series of books I've read).  Right now, I'm reading "Pandemonium" by Daryl Gregory.  It's about a world where demon possession is an accepted part of life.  It's too early to make a judgment other than to say I'm enjoying it more than the two well-reviewed books I read.  I guess I'm a no-taste kind of reader, but I actually think books should be enjoyable.

TV:  Started watching Warehouse 13 - cute, fluffy fun.  My older daughter loves it.  Finally got the first season of "Being Human" - absolutely love this show.  My debate is how long to wait for the next season.  Not too enthusiastic about many of the new shows this fall.  I'm still in mourning over the end of "Lost" (and for the record, I LIKED the ending).  "Supernatural" is still on, but I'm not sure how they're going to top the end-of-the-world stuff this past season.  Looking forward to "Fringe", but I still have to catch up on season 2.  I'm hopelessly behind on "Chuck" so I won't be able to watch it until it's on DVD.  I kind of got sick of "Glee" by the end of the first season (I can't stand a show with no internal consistency), and Murphy tends to blow it in season 2 of his shows, so I'm not sure if I'll be watching or not.

LIFE:  Work is work - neither good nor bad, but still there, which I guess is good in-and-of-itself in this economy.   Working out a bit more, but eating too much, so ... you know.  Kids seem to be doing ok in school.  Nothing else too new and exciting.

Bumming ...

Ever have one of those weeks (?) where you're convinced you suck at everything? Been kind of in that mood lately. Yeah, I know, it's not true. I'm not that clincally depressed, but still ...lately ....? Anyway, we went to a school function, details don't really matter. What matters is that my kids stuck with my husband and I throughout the whole thing. This was the first time they've seen their classmates since summer. My older girl claimed it was because her good friends weren't there, but still ... her group has been getting smaller, and she hasn't done much to bond with the other kids in her class. One girl had been her best friend when they were younger, but now Sarah claims that they don't have anything in common. Kind of breaks my heart. My husband mentioned his concern that our anti-social behavior is rubbing off on the kids, that it's our fault. Gee, thanks. I dunno. High school was something to survive for me. I just kind of hoped it would be different for my kids. Maybe it's the same for everyone, I don't know. But it feels like I've failed my kids somehow right now.

Movin' on Up

We had the moving up ceremony for the girls yesterday, and for some reason, I'm in a grouchy mood. I just really don't like these types of things for a number of reasons - some logical, some personal, some just anti-social. Anyway, the gripes that are still sticking with me today:
1. Why is it we have a atheletics banquet to honor the athletes, but we don't want to give awards out for academic achievement? Heaven forbid someone feel good because they did well in school.

2. Why is it the queen bee/popular kids still get away with treating others like crap (or ignoring them completely)? It's just so ... I mean, haven't we learned anything? Why has stuff like this not changed? One brief aside, I was having a discussion with my daughter about how the cheerleader is never the hero in a teen movie - It's the outsider who's always the hero. Of course, I'm pretty sure it's because writers tend to be geeks.

3. If 27 out of 30 kids get the president's scroll for GPA, how much meaning does the scroll have? Are we living in Lake Wobegone (where all the children are above average)?

4. How can you give the top student award to the kid who decided not to take advanced math because they didn't want to work that hard?

Anyways ... weigh in sucked, now at XX9.8, which means a total whopping weight loss of 1.8. Still, so long as it's down, I'll take it. Particularly given how I ate yesterday (mmmmm, Brusters). At least I exercised.

The Downside of Private Schools

As I mentioned yesterday, the older girl is having some angst about who's coming back and who's not. Turns out things are not much better for the younger girl (she's the sack-racer pictured). She also looks like she's losing her 2 best friends as classmates (on the bright side, she's also losing a kid that has driven her nuts for the past year - we sang "Ding, Dong, the witch is ..." in celebration. Yeah, I'm an adult and good role model, why do you ask?). It's one of the downsides of going to the school we go to - there's a ton of turnover (particularly if the economy is bad). Add to that none of her friends live anywhere close to us, and it makes it tough for a kid. I remember growing up and all you had to do is go half a block and you'd pick up half a dozen kids. Not so many kids in our neighborhood, and even those that are here, she doesn't know too well (and yeah, it is probably our fault for not getting out more, but hey, I'm anti-social). That means every time she wants to get together with a friend it's a major undertaking (or at least involves driving her somewhere). I miss the community of where/how I grew up (which, by the way, I also learned to hate, but that's another rant) .

Anyway, weigh-in is XX8.4, which means 3.2 lbs of water weight (yeah, I have no confidence this is a real loss yet). Eating is pretty ok, though I did have a piece of cheesecake (it was small ... honest). Still need to get kicked into gear on the exercise thing. Hopefully tonight.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

Quick post as a way of procrastinating cleaning the house. I had a long talk with my older daughter today, which brought back live and in color just how much high school (well, middle school actually, but the same idea) sucks. Nothing major, just the typical fears, but I have to say you couldn't pay me to go back to that era of my life. I don't care who you are, it just seems like it's destined to be an angst-filled dung heap (big concern is that two of her best friends probably won't be back next year). You always hope as a parent you can help your kids avoid the trauma you went through in school, but it's just part of growing up. You can see it coming, but there's not much you can do. They have to live through it all, just like you did.

Anyway, in re to my weigh in...

Currently at XX0, down 1.6 in water weight (but I'll take it). Good stuff is that I was at a picnic and didn't overeat (yay me). Bad stuff is that I didn't exercise and had a bag of cookies after 6pm. All-in-all, I'll take it. But dang, am I hungry right now.

Weighty Matters

All my life I've been ... large. Then, in my late 20's, I discovered biking. Riding 2 hours a night did wonders for my weight. After a summer of biking, I was, well, buff. Then life intervened, I stopped biking, and 2 kids and 15 years later, I'm bigger than I've ever been. Depressing stuff. Being an emotional eater, you can just imagine how helpful my response has been. Anyway, going to use the blog to try something different. On the advise of Deadspin (yeah, the sports web page), I'm going to use this to try to embarrass myself into better behavior.

Beginning Weight: XX1.6 (hey, I'm not THAT into public humiliation - see Pride entry)
Current Weight: XX1.6 (Duh, I just started today)
Good Stuff I've done:
Bad Stuff I've done:

We'll see if this is any more successful than anything else I've tried.

Pride

I've been thinking a lot about Pride lately. It's always portrayed as a positive, but yet Pride (not Ego) is listed as one of the seven deadly sins. I always used to confuse the two growing up - ego was obviously bad. Ego meant being overly proud of yourself for something. But I'm starting to think that Pride might be worse, or at least mor insidious. I don't think it's an accident that Pride and not Ego is listed as a deadly sin. Think about it - Ego generally hurts only the person who has the big Ego. Pride, on the other hand, can be much more damaging. Generally speaking, it's based on something that is true about you, making it harder to dismiss out of hand. When I look at my life, it's at the root of most of the bitterness I experience ... why did so-and-so get this, they're not that good ... why not me ... why doesn't anyone seem to appreciate what I do ...Bottom line is that I think Pride is worse because it starts affecting our relationships with other people. It puts people in a position to have to take sides. It treats life as a zero-sum game (if X gets a promotion, then I won't/I'm less thought of/I'm less valuable). It can lead to jealousy, which affects not only the prideful/hurt person, but also the other person that has caused the perceived slight.

So often pride gets mixed in with self-esteem. But self-esteem is based on knowing that I do something well. That's fine. Everyone should have an evaluation of themselves as to what they do well and what they don't do as well. But it's when this evaluation looks for external validation - gets proud and wants/needs others to acknowledge it - that pride leads to sin.

Mom OD

We recently had my daughter's school musical, and both my mother and mother-in-law were staying at my house for a few days. The experience is ... interesting? ... invigorating? ....exhausting? .... frightening? Probably a little of each of these.

Look, I love and respect my mom, but ... it's kind of like the weirdest people you know are your friends. By that, I mean, they aren't really weirder than anyone else, it's just you know them better, so you notice their idiosyncracies. With family, it's like that times ten. There's always a struggle with parents as you get older - they never quite see you as an adult, they never can quite stop parenting. You (or at least I) get annoyed ten times quicker than with anyone else - the old, "crap-I-can-see-where-this-is-going" eyeroll kind of thing. Add to that a huge fear you'll turn out to be everything you hate about your parents and ... well, let's just say that's an awful lot of emotional overhead. And I haven't even mentioned the guilt-wrapper this all comes in.

I just hope I don't make my kids as crazy as my mom makes me - but I'm pretty sure I will. *sigh*

(By the way, my daughter is the wolf in the upper left corner - I'm so proud.)

Things That Make Me Smile

My daughter got me a little figurine for Mother's Day that says "I've found my happy place." (Yes, it's kind of based on the line from Cheers, and yes, that really is a picture of me .... sorry). Anyways, in honor of Mother's Day, here's my immediate list of things that make me happy:

1. A new episode of Lost (yay Tuesdays)
2. My girls winning their soccer game (bonus points if they played well)
3. A cool, fall-like day when all I have to do is read
4. A new book that I get into from page 1
5. Key Lime Pie Martinis from PF Chang's
6. A clean house (somewhat lame, but there you are)
7. A new Doctor Who episode
8. Seeing the curtain rise on a new Broadway show
9. Getting a book signed by one of your favorite authors
10. Introducing a friend to a good book

So what makes you happy?

Shall We Dance ...1-2-3

My older daughter has been going through the trials and tribulations of ballroom dancing in gym class recently. Initially, when I asked her about it, it sounded like things were going great - she seemed to enjoy it and had no problems finding a partner because she took it somewhat seriously, unlike a bunch of the girls who just giggled when they had to it.

I found out today that they are having their test soon, and she's really concerned. Seems as though she's been having trouble finding a partner lately. When I asked what happened, she hemmed and hawed around until she finally admitted it was because she had a nasty habit of leading. Apparently, if the boy is shorter than her (which most of them are - she's 11 and already over 5 ft tall), he takes too small steps which annoys her. The ones that are taller aren't very coordinated and tend to lead her into the bleachers, so she got sick of it and started leading. I have to laugh because she is totally my daughter in this regard. I don't really dance, but letting someone else take the lead because that's what you are supposed to do wouldn't sit well with me either.

The most amusing (to me at least) reason for her taking the lead - she was bored. She finally found one guy who was about her height and not a bad dancer, but she got tired of him leading so she took over. Apparently, they decided to share taking the lead. Now she's worried about what kind of score she'll get on the test - particularly if she starts to lead. Hee. (I know, I know, I'm finding this waaaay too amusing.)

Lit: A Memoir by Mary Karr

I'm slowly working through the books I got last year at Book Expo, and since I panned "Worst Nightmares," I feel I have to take the time to heartily recommend the book "Lit" by Mary Karr. The book is the third in a series of memoirs of her life. I haven't read the first two, but the third stands on its own merits. It relays Mary's turbulent adult years, from alcoholism into faith.

Her new-found in G-d does play a major role in the story, but what I enjoyed was that it was a real faith. So many books that contain elements of faith either mock beliefe as for the weak-minded or make G-d sound like a personal genie who will instantly solve all your troubles. Mary's book takes a stumbling, disbelieving trek towards faith. No, it doesn't immediately make her into Saint Mary (in fact, one of the things I like about the book is that she never gets close to sainthood - she remains a real person, warts and all, throughout the book). But it does have a profound effect on her life, one that any real person should be able to relate to.

Her path is meandering but definitely worth the read.

Winning the Lottery ...

No, I haven't. I've purchased a few tickets and matched a whopping one (count'em one) number once. And yeah, with the lottery around $260 million, I played again. I guess I play once in awhile so I can play the "What if" game - you know, "What if I really did win?" (and before you worry about my sanity, no, I'm not counting on winning.)

Anyway, I was just tossing the idea around in my head. What would you do if money was no object? What if you didn't have to work? What if you could spend as much as you want on whatever you want? How would your life change?

The interesting thing to me is that I don't think my wants are all that outrageous. I'd like to start a small bookstore. I'd love to get name authors in my area so kids could see there are real people behind the books they love. Maybe get one of them to do a writing seminar for tweens and teens. I really do love books and would love to spend the rest of my life around them.

As for anything else? I'm actually pretty happy with the way things are. Sure, it would be nice to not worry about losing my job or how to pay for the kids' schooling (or ok, do a bit more traveling), but on the whole, I'm really just looking to maintain the way things are. Oh, and maybe start an awesome small bookstore that focuses on teens and tweens.

Big Ben Controversy

I've been a Steeler fan all my life - has a lot to do with growing up in Pittsburgh during the 70's. I've lived through the post-Bradshaw years, watching Mark Malone, Cliff Stoudt, Mike Tomczak, Kordell Stewart, Neil O'Donnell and a parade of not-very-good quarterbacks lead the team. As a Steeler fan, it was a breath of fresh air when Ben came to Pittsburgh - finally, we had a franchise quarterback all our own! When he went undefeated in his first year, it seemed that the sky was the limit for the Steelers and Big Ben. Then, some crack started to show. Small at first (Of the "Oh, I played with broken toes, that's why I sucked in the playoffs" variety), then bigger (riding a motorcycle with no permit and not helmet - really, Ben?), and then ... well, unless you are living in a cave, I don't think you can have missed Ben's latest problems. Even if Ben has only done what both sides admit to (giving alcohol to an already inebriated 20-yr old and separating her from her friends), he's a jerk. And that is the best you can say about it. At worst ....

As an aside - one thing I find interesting about the situation is the differing views of men and women looking at the situation. Let me just say that being a college age woman and going out bar-hopping with your friends does not make you a slut. You'd be hard-pressed to find many women who didn't do something similar in college. And that's what upsets me the most - look, I've been there. I've overindulged and depended on friends to get me home safely. The fact that he took that away from her is reprehensible.

So where does that leave me as a Steeler fan? Doesn't look like they are going to trade him, so what now? I know that I will find it hard to root for my team with Ben as quarterback. I MIGHT even be tempted to root against them. But part of me wonders how much outrage the good people of Pittsburgh will have if Ben comes back and leads them to another SuperBowl. How "forgiving" are we ... so long as he wins?

Guilty Pleasures?

Last night as I was trolling around the internet, I found an article that talked about Romance Novels as a "Guilty Pleasure." Now, I'm not a romance fan myself, but I have friends who are who have a mighty big chip on their shoulders about romance novels being considered somehow a lesser form of writing. I thought they were being hypersensitive, but when you see a headline telling you something you love is a guilty pleasure, it made me think they have a point. I'm coming to hate the term "guilty pleasure" - unless it's illegal or hurts someone else, why should anything that causes you joy make you feel guilty? Because someone else pooh-poohs it? So what. Who gave them the right to decide what you enjoy and what you don't like? It's implied in the title that you are somehow better than the thing you like - but who's the arbiter of taste? I guess when I think about it, it annoys me to think that anyone has the right to tell you what you should enjoy. Heck, I thought we left that behind in high school. Go ahead and like comic books if you like comic books. Go ahead and like horror or romance or anything else that someone tries to imply is inferior. Let them spend their time deciding what's "cool", I'd rather spend my time with my "guilty pleasures."

Busy, Busy, Busy

You ever notice that the older you get, the busier your life gets? When I was single, I always thought I had so much to do, then I got married and wondered what I did with all my time. Then I had kids, and wondered why I ever thought life without kids was busy. Anyway, I guess your activity level tends to expand to the amount of time you have available. It just seems like time has been getting away from me more lately. And half the stuff I'm doing isn't even related to me - it's take the kids to soccer, wait for them after basketball, make sure they make it to play practice. Honestly, I don't know how my mom ever did it by herself. And trying to fit exercise in on top of all that? Not to mention the latest episode of Lost (anyone else getting an uncomfortable, final episode of BSG vibe from Lost this year)? Reminds me of a phrase from college - the tyranny of the urgent. I guess the big thing is to concentrate on one activity at a time, but boy am I tired. (oh, and under all that hair is my daughter ... somewhere)

I'm Baaaaack ....

As the Pirates start their summer swoon a couple of months early, I figured I should check in with an update (once a year, whether you read it or not, that's my motto).

Went through a bit of a swoon myself - Life, ya know - but I think I'm back. I've been really able to stand back and appreciate more of what I have lately. Is that maturity? Actually, life hasn't been half bad, and once I realized I was getting depressed worrying about what might happen rather than what was happening, it was easy to pull back to solid ground. Oh, I still have my fits and starts, but I'm trying more to logic myself out of it. Bottom line is that life is pretty good.

So, anyway, went to Ireland last year. And being the brilliant people we are, we managed to be in Northern Ireland on Marching Day. In Befast. And because I had "prepaid" for a tour of the city, doggone it, we were going in no matter what. Yes, I know, my logic is not like your earth logic. Actually, it was pretty interesting. We parked under a shopping mall - we were the ONLY car in the lot. All the stores were closed until noon, and I think I finally understand what the word Chave means.

We also made it to Giant's Causeway, which was amazing. Actually, the whole place was so beautiful and full of history. We drove all around the country, North and South. The landscape, the ancient monuments, everything was quite stunning. The only two changes I would make are 1 - leave the GPS at home and 2 - not stayed out until the sun went down (we were exhausted by the time we got home). Here's a picture for Jynx of the Giant's Causeway.

So, that was last summer. More recently, I have discovered the joys of preteen angst and the absolute necessity of shopping at Aeropostale. At least the clothes aren't poorly made, and our school dress code prevents the purchase of the more ..um..decorated clothing (i.e. the stuff with their name plastered all over it). This may be one of those "Thank G-d I'm Old" moments. I do think I have the energy to keep up with what's in and what's out anymore.

I'm watching and enjoying the new Doctor - of course, after the specials that passed for season 4 anything would be an improvement. Loving Supernatural and Fringe. Impatient with Lost. Falling out of love with Glee. Book-wise, I'm reading Lit, which is surprisingly open and refreshing for an autobiography. I've made a deal with myself that I can only buy one book for every book that I read that we already have. It's harder than it sounds. Same with DVDs. Aren't I turning responsible in my old age?