Had an interesting couple of days last week. It all started when my older girl came home and told me she wanted to tell me something the Spanish teacher told her. She seemed very proud. I told her to just say it, but she said she didn't want to say it in front of her sister. Needless to say, this made me insanely curious. Turns out the teacher told her something to the effect that she couldn't believe she was so sweet when her sister was so mean.
Mean? My daughter? Knock me over with a feather. I was stunned. I mean, the girl is 4 years old - what could she have done in the two hours a week she had Spanish to cause the teacher to call her mean? Yeah, the teacher was totally unprofessional, but still ... mean? My daughter? As a parent you try so hard to raise your kids to be "nice". Very few people want their kids to be the school yard bully, yet somebody has to be right? But my kid? I fought with myself, half stunned and half in denial. How could we have been so blind?
Next step, of course, was to call her regular teacher. Turns out she has been having trouble with one of the girls in her class. Per the teacher, my daughter and this other girl are the two oldest kids in the class, and they bump heads frequently. I know of this other girl - she's basically a queen b in training (I know, I know, horrible thing to say about a 5 year old, but there you are). In talking to another parent, she said her daughter didn't like this girl because she acted one way in front of grown-ups and another way when no one was looking. Apparently, my daughter wasn't about to let this girl have her way (my daughter can be rather bull-headed). She even started being obnoxiously "nice" to the girl - sitting next to her and smiling at her (you know the way ... in case you don't, consider when I asked my daughter if this is how she would want to be treated, she said no). Part of me is concerned that I'm shaping the story the way I want to see it to make my daughter look good. I don't think so, but still...
Anyway, we're working through the issue with her. But it made me wonder, how nice should we teach our children to be? In their class, they are told everyone is their "friend". Well, I don't know about you, but if somebody takes things from me and pushes me, they aren't my friend, no matter what anyone else says. How do you get this across to a 4 year old? How do you teach them to be nice but not to be a doormat? I have to confess there is a small part of me that is proud of her for sticking up for herself. Does that make me a bad mom?
Just hope I'm not raising the schoolyard bully ...
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Okay, this is good stuff! I have to say, I haven't thought of this before, but it's an interesting cunundrum!
I suppose that the best thing to do is to explain to your daughter that if this person is physically hurting or bothering her or causing problems for her with the teacher or something, she should stand up for herself verbally - without returning the action - and then go talk to an adult.
If it is a matter of saying rude things or being irritating, two good return comebacks are:
1. to say "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me."
2. Or to just ignore them. If you don't feed them, they will go away.
Of course, I'm speaking in generalities here because you didn't give specifics... I could be completely off base here.. =)
You could also say that not EVERYONE will be a friend - especially if they are mean to you - but that she should try to be nice back, just because she's a nice girl...
Good luck!!! (And no, I don't think it's a reflection of you!)
you know what? serious props to you for this. i am so glad to know someone raising a kid who's not afraid to stick up for themselves. i mean, yeah, you don't want her starting fights or anything, but...damn, rock on.
Well, apparently first day back after "the talk" and things are ok. She told her teacher that she and this other girl were going to be "best friends" and there was no incident. Knowing my daughter, she's probably up to something ... or maybe I'm just too suspicious (just sounded a little too Eddie Haskel for my taste).
LOL! Hey, Eddie Haskell works too... mebbe you should just close your eyes, insert your fingers into your ears and go "lalalalalalalalalal" =P~
J/K. Glad to know that "the talk" went well! =)
I think she sounds pretty damn canny for a 4yr old Hon!
Kudos to you and her!!!
Post a Comment